‘When will you be married nurse?- When Mr. Right comes’ – The folklore of Shropshire Weddings.

 

As some of you may know, my partner recently asked me to marry him (it’s a wonderful feeling, isn’t it?). Now I must confess that though excited at the prospect, I find the whole idea of the modern wedding industry tawdry - slightly frightening, and well - just not ‘me’. So, I thought rather than turning to copious magazines and trawling round wedding fayres to no avail, I would take a different approach. After all, I consider myself to be a sturdy Shropshire lass, so I decided to turn to the folklore to help me plan my wedding, and honestly there is some really lovely stuff amongst these folk beliefs. I have used several sources, including my favourite ‘A sheaf of gleanings’’ to produce the following piece. So, with that in mind I want to share with you my guide to having a perfectly Shropshire wedding.

For many women, the first thing on their mind is the dress. I suppose I was no different- as a self-confessed spooky girl, I am strongly against the idea of a white wedding. I’ve never really bought into the princess thing. Rather- my first choice was green; but Charlotte Burne clarifies that a wedding dress should ‘never be green’.  However, she does suggest several alternatives to bridal white, including all shades of blue, as well as fawn and stone. These are all popular choices for Shropshire women.

When you’ve decided on your colour of choice, there are some other folk beliefs associated with the dress. The folklore states that a bride must have entirely new articles of clothing on her wedding day- and mustn’t wear anything she has previously worn. This includes stockings, underwear, and any of the other trappings of the big day. On the morning of her wedding, she must rid herself of any old articles of clothing, wash herself and then adorn herself with her brand-new clothing. For those less fortunate women, such a luxury must have been a lovely feeling – as often clothes were handed down, handmade or patched up, so to get a brand-new dress would have really cemented the excitement of starting a new chapter of life. There are some exceptions to the rule though. As in other parts of the country, Shropshire brides believed it was very lucky to wear something borrowed on their wedding day (this is similar to the ‘Something Olde, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue’ tradition) Shropshire women believed it was very auspicious to wear something that a happy bride had also worn. The most popular item to borrow is the veil. Its well documented that Shropshire women considered it quite the complement to be asked to lend their veil – and some lace veils were worn throughs successive generations of women.

Its worthy of note that it is considered very unlucky for a wedding to meet a funeral (for obvious reasons) and when picking the date of the big day- it’s worth knowing that Tuesday’s and Thursdays are considered the luckiest.

 The wedding ring is the centre of a number of folk beliefs. It’s believed to be very unlucky to allow it to fall to the ground before a wedding has finished. For example- at Ellesmere it is said that if either the bride or the groom should let it drop during the ceremony then he or she will be the first to die. Furthermore, if you take off the ring- or heaven forbid loose it’s a very bad omen. If the ring should come off accidently, the lady’s husband should return it to her finger to save misadventure.

When it came to bridesmaids, it was common to have at least one, and in North Shropshire custom dictated that any bridesmaid was given a white sash and a pair of white gloves- a lovely present and also an indicator of status amongst the other guests. If any of these bridesmaids were unmarried- a popular maxim was directed at them. ‘Mind you rub against the bride’ was the instruction, in hope these eligible ladies ‘caught the infection of marriage’.

Once you’ve decided on dress and bridesmaids and safely secured your ring- your mind may turn to the guest list. Well, if you want to have a truly folkloric experience, you may not need to worry too much. In Shropshire often weddings were humble affairs, and the simplest wedding may consist of but four people. (Obviously those with more disposable income may have more guests, and more people were involved in the celebration afterwards, but for the purpose of this article we will be describing a more modest affair) it was considered very unlucky to have a widow attend the wedding service, and if carriages were used- it was unlucky for the horse’s head to turn near the church gate.

Charlotte Burne notes that the bride’s father rarely goes to the church service and the bride’s mother never does (sorry mom) This leaves the bridal party to be made up of the Man, his future wife, his best man, and her maid of honour. It considered very lucky to have a married couple take up the duty of best man and maid of honour, especially if they have a happy marriage, as it foretells of times ahead.

Tradition dictates that the four people walk to the church in procession. The groom is said to link arms with the maid of honour and assists her on the journey. The future bride is escorted by the best man, who is also the one to walk the bride down the aisle and give her away. Several people have suggested that this tradition could allude to a far more ancient problem, that of ‘wife capture’. With the best man being the grooms most faithful friend – he could be trusted to protect the bride against possible seizure by other suitors on her way to the wedding (apparently it happened!) An alternative idea is that it harks back to a time when the best man would have been the leader of the foray organised for her capture- so he would be the one to deliver her to the groom. However, thankfully there weren’t many instances of wife capture by the time Charlotte Burne was writing. I like the idea of such an intimate ceremony- and think the idea of the best man giving the bride away is an interesting practice, which could have been useful if the bride had lost her father or didn’t know him.

There is little discussion of the nature of the ceremony, though it would have been religious, depending on the couple’s beliefs. After the ceremony – the bride and groom led the way out of the church and were met by groups of well-wishers from the community, as well as family members, who would stand in the churchyard and at the church gates. It was tradition for an older female relative to be stood near the church door, holding a number of posies in her hands. These would be made from local flowers and plants, and she would be the first to give them to the bridal party. Other well-wishers would also have posies, and they would shower the bridal party with these gifts as they journeyed through the church gates for the first time as man and wife. Often a bride would end up with more posies than she could carry, and it was practiced to show love and appreciation for the couple- and just make them feel special. I really think this is lovely, and a far better alternative to confetti. I’ve not heard much about this practice, but it seems to have been very popular in Shropshire- and Charlotte Burne fondly recollects the confusion and bewilderment on a London born best man’s face when he had these commonly found plants thrust onto him at the church door.

There were other ways to show appreciation to the newlyweds. Charlotte Burne refers to a ‘Mrs Hare’s Wedding’ in Stoke upon Tern in 1829 where-

 

 ‘The walkthrough was lined with schoolchildren, with wreaths of flowers in their hand… one went before the couple strewing flowers in the path and all the silver spoons, tankards, watches, ornaments of neighbouring farms were fastened on white cloth and drawn over hoops to make a sort of trophy at the church gate- there was much celebration and merriment.’

 

Upon first reading this- I was struck by how lovely this sentiment is- it’s a feeling I’m not quite sure I can really explain. It just feels nice, and really demonstrates the level of community existing in these rural areas. Its important to note that silverware was often saved for best, a kind of symbol of status, so for the local community to bring this out for a wedding feels as if they are doing everything, they can to make the new bride and groom feel valued. It feels more organic- a true celebration of the love between two people- rather than the performative formalities of more modern occasions. This wasn’t just a practice at Mrs Hare’s wedding, rather it was a common feature across the county.

These weren’t the only decorations the community would put out. It was believed that decoration was a great way to ‘respect the family’ of the bride. Huge flags were hung out and garlands were made, wonderful arches of evergreen were thrown across roads. Sometimes pole arches were erected and motto’s expressing good wishes ‘in honest black and white’ were printed and entwined around them. Further garlands were hung, sometimes with flowers cascading from cages and other ingenuous devices. Another popular decoration was to cut two large gloves or hand shapes from white paper and put pink hearts on the palms of them - this symbolised taking your heart in your hand, and the love of the special couple. These decorations usually began at the church- and would end at the couple’s home. It’s hard not to be moved by this provocative description and outpouring of love and I can’t think of a lovelier feeling than witnessing this scene as the couple, heading to your marital home. It’s likely you would have grown up in the village and seeing the whole community come out to celebrate you would have been wonderful! The ingenuity of the decoration is also splendid, and it’s definitely something I would incorporate into my own wedding. I love that its simplicity is actually that which sets it apart. When reading about this you can almost feel the joy of the occasion, reaching through the years to today.

So, there we have it – my guide to a Shropshire wedding. To be honest when I started writing this, I thought it would just be cool to look at marriage folklore, but I must confess I actually love most of what we’ve talked about. It seems so personal, so focused on the love of two people and their connection to the place they live- the community rather than about extravagance or trends. It’s made me think of my own grandparents wedding (which I’ve only recently found pictures of) my grandad in his clearly borrowed mishmash of a suit, stood outside a cottage in Jackfield. There aren’t many present, but they’re smiling- the love between the two is obvious. That’s what its all about really, isn’t it? I want to finish by talking about love- or indeed a shropshire belief about it. Love’s a strange thing, and when you’re single- navigating it feels like a minefield. However, the prevailing attitude in Shropshire was that of predestination, that eventually you will find your person, which is a lovely sentiment. A popular adage read ‘When will you marry Nurse?... When Mr Right comes’ and this just makes me smile. I want to finish with this wonderful piece of Shropshire advice to young women yearning for their true love-

‘You’ll marry him that’s meant for you miss, even if you were built into a stone wall’